Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
