Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
