I wanna bring you to show and tell
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize