time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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