the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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