Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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