we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
