as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
