I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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