Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
