I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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