I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
