Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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