I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
