Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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