he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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