I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
