apparently the secret to your success is patron
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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