Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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