I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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