Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
