If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
