chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
