I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
