he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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