My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
