Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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