Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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