If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
