living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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