NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
