My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
