M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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