I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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