On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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