Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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