It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
