Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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