This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
