Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
