i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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