It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
