all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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