I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
