i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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