she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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