what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
