If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
