All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
