Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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