So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
