protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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