i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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