BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
