my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
