I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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