I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
