he thought i was a dude.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
