I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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