tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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