when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
